Rantings While I Learn
Two weeks from today, the life I live today will be changing. Again. While I love an adventure, this one is wearing me out!
"Not enough experience." "Overqualified." "This is a young team." There are so many ways to say NO to a potential candidate. Today, once again, I was told I didn't get the job.
As I have done every morning for the last 21 days, I spent this morning searching for work. Three weeks ago I was very particular in my job search, needing to gain experience in the field I am pursuing. Two weeks ago I began exploring additional options. A week ago, I was just tired of NOT having enough work to sustain myself and applied for anything. Today, being once again reminded that I need to gain some professional experience in my desired field, I researched and discovered new places to apply. I am pressing onward!
Making decisions about where to live, what to do, who to work for, and how the heck to do it are realities for a student when college comes to a close. I'm just facing them at 52 years of age. I have to wonder if age plays a role in this industry. With resolve, I also know that someday, there will be a best-selling book written on how a poverty stricken homeless grandmother went to college, and kept pushing through life's bitterness to reach her goals!
Yes, yes, yes, my well-meaning friends and family, I KNOW God has a plan. I have, however, learned that REALLY BAD STUFF can happen to REALLY GREAT PEOPLE.
I've been treated as incompetent and uneducated because I am going through this chaos. Hard times do NOT translate into either of those things. I am gaining wisdom that gratefully, most will never have to attain.
I am fully encompassing my time trying to get this chaotic life together. But here is my reality: I do not have a place that is my home. I do not have enough work to live on. I do not have a significant other to ease my pain, or even contribute to it. I have little time to play. I do not have money to play. I am a hard-working full-time student who is hitting the books for multiple hours a day. I'm tired.
The experiences of homelessness, abandonment, complete financial devastation, working three jobs to make ends meet, still not meeting them, and going to school full time, while NEVER GIVING UP are lessons in strong character. They are not signs of weakness. Quite the opposite. They are signs of strength.
Here are 13 facts that I've learned about myself. I am sharing them with those who might need a cheerleader because they are going through it too:
"Not enough experience." "Overqualified." "This is a young team." There are so many ways to say NO to a potential candidate. Today, once again, I was told I didn't get the job.
As I have done every morning for the last 21 days, I spent this morning searching for work. Three weeks ago I was very particular in my job search, needing to gain experience in the field I am pursuing. Two weeks ago I began exploring additional options. A week ago, I was just tired of NOT having enough work to sustain myself and applied for anything. Today, being once again reminded that I need to gain some professional experience in my desired field, I researched and discovered new places to apply. I am pressing onward!
Making decisions about where to live, what to do, who to work for, and how the heck to do it are realities for a student when college comes to a close. I'm just facing them at 52 years of age. I have to wonder if age plays a role in this industry. With resolve, I also know that someday, there will be a best-selling book written on how a poverty stricken homeless grandmother went to college, and kept pushing through life's bitterness to reach her goals!
Yes, yes, yes, my well-meaning friends and family, I KNOW God has a plan. I have, however, learned that REALLY BAD STUFF can happen to REALLY GREAT PEOPLE.
I've been treated as incompetent and uneducated because I am going through this chaos. Hard times do NOT translate into either of those things. I am gaining wisdom that gratefully, most will never have to attain.
I am fully encompassing my time trying to get this chaotic life together. But here is my reality: I do not have a place that is my home. I do not have enough work to live on. I do not have a significant other to ease my pain, or even contribute to it. I have little time to play. I do not have money to play. I am a hard-working full-time student who is hitting the books for multiple hours a day. I'm tired.
The experiences of homelessness, abandonment, complete financial devastation, working three jobs to make ends meet, still not meeting them, and going to school full time, while NEVER GIVING UP are lessons in strong character. They are not signs of weakness. Quite the opposite. They are signs of strength.
Here are 13 facts that I've learned about myself. I am sharing them with those who might need a cheerleader because they are going through it too:
- I will never be sorry that I stayed home to raise my amazing kids. I like to believe they are amazing because I stayed home with them.
- I will never again feel guilty that I have a strong side and that I am starting to use it to defend myself. I am responsible for standing up for me.
- Church does not equal Christian. And only God gets to choose if I am one. He chose me, and no one has the ability or authority to change His decision.
- I am not wrong. Good heavens, so many people tell me what I'm doing wrong. The things I do right I do very well, thank you, and those are the things that sustain me.
- All of my experience is valuable to someone. I've changed lives. That's what Jesus did. That's what I do.
- I have the right to step back and rest a minute! God COMMANDED Sabbath. I've been judged for taking mine by people who defied His commandment by not taking their's.
- I work HARD.
- I love PASSIONATELY.
- Its my own decision whom I decide to love. I love everybody. Just some more than others. Come on, you do it, too!
- Its my own decision whom I decide to work for.
- Starting over--AGAIN--is a necessity not a choice. But since I have to do it, I am going to take advantage of the opportunity.
- I've made choices and some of them were really HARD. But they kept me breathing.
- Looking down on someone else means missing the opportunities in front of you. You can't see what's ahead if you are busy looking down.
I don't know very many people who could survive this life I'm living. I'm still amazed that I can stand up. But I WILL NOT QUIT. I'm struggling. Yes. I spend hours crying. Yes. But I am fighting.YES. And I can't win if there isn't a fight now, can I?
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