I Feel Successful When.....

Its been awhile. A month. A month of not penning a single word. This is not good for a writer. It is the result of once again working seven days a week to make ends meet. Homework suffers. Friendships suffer. Family relationships suffer. Health suffers. I have nearly completed college and believed this endeavor would allow me to work less, and earn more, yet the amount of money and time I must expend to survive astounds me. I was expecting to feel successful in my career by now.

Why do I choose to do this when the result is suffering?

Great question. Here's the answer. Because the world demands it of me. It demands it of me financially.

I very much dislike measuring my life against money. But I know nearly every person must do so! I want my power back. Life is precious and what are we doing here if we aren't living it????  I want to walk in the woods with my family. I want to listen to them sing songs and pick up sticks and play in the water.

It certainly isn't all about work and money and money and work, is it? One of my employers actually mentioned that I might have to consider giving up photo shoots. WHAT???? Yes, I wanted to curse and head toward the door. I didn't. But I will. For him, its all money. For me, its the living.

I feel like I am walking into a forest in the dark. Yet I am not. because there is a Lamp for my feet, a Light on my path. I just have to trust the One holding the lantern. Not always easy, is it?

If I'm going to be a writer, I must write. If I'm going to continue as a professional photographer then I must photograph. These are things I've learned to do well, the gifts I've devoted myself to improving upon! I decided this morning that not one more leaf would fall to the ground before I penned a few words because I keep hearing these words echoing in my ears:  Do not neglect the gift that is in you.  

I need to slow down, breathe, and take a moment to refocus, to shake off the lies of defeat. I need to remember that I am experiencing successes, too. So this morning, in the midst of feeling defeated, I wrote an "I Feel Successful When" list.

I Feel Succesful When.....

1. My grandkids light up because I walk in the room and they rush into my arms for hugs.
2. My daughters trust me with their hearts. 
3. I capture the essence of a person or place that becomes a permanent piece of history because I took time take a photograph. 
4. I help another feel successful because I told their story, or captured amazing photographs of them, or they learned something wonderful because they were in one of my music classes.
5. I write a great song.
6. I write a great poem.
7. I write a great story.
8. I get an "A" on my great song, poem, or story. 
9. I've improved someone's day because I spent it with them. 
10. I go to bed knowing the words have been spoken over me, "Well done, good and faithful servant."

The list is not complete. And none of those things involve big money. Writing and photography are my passion. Give them up?  NO WAY. These are things that make room for life's good stuff. So here's another question. Do I feel successful when I can pay my bills on time? I feel relieved. Relaxed. Responsible. There's a difference, don't you think?

I will not neglect the gift that is in me. You shouldn't either. :-) Start your "I Feel Successful When" list. Share it with me. I'd love to hear about your successes, too!