I Don't Want My Life Back, I Want a New One

I am going to preach today. I am tired of all of this crazy struggle, down in the dumps, fight to get my life back. How many times have I said to myself that I just want my life back?

This morning I had to take a long look at what I was trying to take back. 

What life? The one I had before getting divorced that was saturated by chaos and alcoholism and emotional abuse? The one I had when my body failed and I spent six months curled up in a bed, frozen by fear of dying and in so much pain that hugging my children hurt? The one working four jobs for very little and sleeping even less and still not earning enough to live on? The one where men are unfaithful and friends fail you and you fail them and you are left standing alone? 

HELL NO! 

Pardon my french, but I will no longer be saying "I want my life back." I wouldn't wish it on my children or on my poor self or anyone else. 

I finally figured out why my cries were going unanswered! Are you ready for this? My Bible thumper just showed up and she's going to give it to you straight. 

        "Behold.....the old things have passed away and all things are becoming new."  (2 Corinthians 5:17)   

        "Behold, I make all things new. And He said to me "WRITE" for these words are true and faithful." (Revelation 21:7)

I've been praying, begging God to give me my life back! But I've asked and have not received because I ask amiss. (James 4:3)  

I haven't been asking for something NEW. I've been wallowing in the old, grieving the past. It has been UGLY. Why do I want it back?  I DON'T. It just took me a really good long time to figure it out! 

Do you know what the word "behold" means? It literally means to "be sure to see, don't miss this, watch for it." 

I have been asking amiss, for the WRONG THING. I need to be asking for that NEW life!  Letting go of all of the old. Just let 'er go!  Put it behind me! 

I've learned an awful lot about God and how He does and does not operate. We cannot boss Him around. He's going to bless some and defeat others. That's how He works. I don't know where my faith stands. I feel defeated, damaged, brainwashed and broken. That's the honest to God truth (pun intended.....we've been chatting this morning). 

I do know I believe He is REAL. I know there are people rely more on their Bibles than they do on the relationship we should have with the Holy Spirit. I've been doing a lot of Spirit seeking. We forget that our Bibles are a privilege and not a necessity. People were faith walking in the Spirit before they had leather with gold-edged paper to carry around. There's people that don't even know a Bible exists, but they know God does. 

However, today, I needed it......the comfort of scriptures that I've know for a good long time. But today I finally heard them! 

I've lost homes, and people, and stuff. So what. 

I'm watching for the new. I'm eagerly watching for it. I'm asking for that something new, because no matter how hard I try to hold onto the old, it's passed away. I've been chasing death. 

I've been pretty devastated and angry. Sometimes you just have to wake up crying, and being willing to search for an answer. Today it came as a tidal wave. 

I am after something new. I'm watching for it. Behold......I don't want to miss this!