For Better or for Worse or For Better or for Perfect?
The past few years I have had the privilege of being under the roof of couples. Two people, crazy about each other......okay, maybe just crazy, but choosing anyway to stick it out together for better or for worse.
It has been good for me to watch these couples interact. They might fight, but they love more. They finish each other's sentences and fold each other's laundry. When one is falling, if the other can't catch them, they both fall down. Then they know they can depend on one another to begin the process of getting back up.
While being privy to the inner workings of successful relationships, I have also become more sensitive to the couples who are not as savvy at that boy/girl thing. It seems that they have married with the opposing idea of "for better or for worse" and followed the harder to attain "for better or for perfect" scenario.
When did we get the idea that relationships were performance based? A certain kind of behavior is required for success. I understand wanting to be treated like a queen, wanting my man to come home to me at night, having a partner who will share financial responsibility. But if the trash doesn't get taken out, or the kitchen floor doesn't get swept, is that really grounds for calling it quits?
These wonderful marriages that I have watched have taught me a great deal. One, I have GOT to get me one of those. A man-person, I mean! They are impossible at times. They are irritating at times. They snore and stink and leave stuff laying around. But they also mow lawns, take you on dates, tell you about their day, fix leaking faucets and change the oil.
Yes, I am aware that that all sounds a little sexist. So what? When did it become so wrong for gender roles to be present? Probably about the same time it became possible to marry "for better or for perfect" instead of "for better or for worse."
I've been single a really long time. I have to go in search of help--for a plumber, a mechanic, someone who can reach the item on the top shelf, and get the blasted lid on the pickle jar. I rarely cook. I've no one at home to cook for. My toes are cold, even under the covers at night, because I don't have a warm someone to snuggle up next to.
Does it sound menial? Unworthy marrying for? Maybe. But the fact is, I don't argue because I don't someone to argue with. I don't have underwear and dirty socks on the floor of the bathroom, I just have an empty bathroom.
I see relationships going south and people treating one another cruelly just because they chose them for better or perfect, forgetting that once the relationship begins, the worse is going to show up. It will take its time rearing its ugly head, but its going to be there. Expecting it might be what makes it bearable!
I don't take this marriage thing lightly, I just haven't done it well. I've tried three times, and failed. But I know now that it was the marriages that failed, not me, and not the idea of it. I thought I would never ever want to marry again. But I'm changing my mind. I'd love to have someone who could share the load. Life is chaotic, so I want a someone to share the chaos with!
I'm hoping that most of my worse has worked itself out and I can concentrate on finding the better. But for sure, next time around, I'm going to look for a real, authentic man, one who HAS a worse. He won't have to be perfect. He just has to be perfect for me, and know that I am perfect for him.
At the end of the day, three words cover the "for better or for worse" topic, and the successful relationships I've seen make sure they are always uttered at the end of the day. I love you. For better or for worse, there is always love. THAT'S what makes it perfect.
It has been good for me to watch these couples interact. They might fight, but they love more. They finish each other's sentences and fold each other's laundry. When one is falling, if the other can't catch them, they both fall down. Then they know they can depend on one another to begin the process of getting back up.
While being privy to the inner workings of successful relationships, I have also become more sensitive to the couples who are not as savvy at that boy/girl thing. It seems that they have married with the opposing idea of "for better or for worse" and followed the harder to attain "for better or for perfect" scenario.
When did we get the idea that relationships were performance based? A certain kind of behavior is required for success. I understand wanting to be treated like a queen, wanting my man to come home to me at night, having a partner who will share financial responsibility. But if the trash doesn't get taken out, or the kitchen floor doesn't get swept, is that really grounds for calling it quits?
These wonderful marriages that I have watched have taught me a great deal. One, I have GOT to get me one of those. A man-person, I mean! They are impossible at times. They are irritating at times. They snore and stink and leave stuff laying around. But they also mow lawns, take you on dates, tell you about their day, fix leaking faucets and change the oil.
Yes, I am aware that that all sounds a little sexist. So what? When did it become so wrong for gender roles to be present? Probably about the same time it became possible to marry "for better or for perfect" instead of "for better or for worse."
I've been single a really long time. I have to go in search of help--for a plumber, a mechanic, someone who can reach the item on the top shelf, and get the blasted lid on the pickle jar. I rarely cook. I've no one at home to cook for. My toes are cold, even under the covers at night, because I don't have a warm someone to snuggle up next to.
Does it sound menial? Unworthy marrying for? Maybe. But the fact is, I don't argue because I don't someone to argue with. I don't have underwear and dirty socks on the floor of the bathroom, I just have an empty bathroom.
I see relationships going south and people treating one another cruelly just because they chose them for better or perfect, forgetting that once the relationship begins, the worse is going to show up. It will take its time rearing its ugly head, but its going to be there. Expecting it might be what makes it bearable!
I don't take this marriage thing lightly, I just haven't done it well. I've tried three times, and failed. But I know now that it was the marriages that failed, not me, and not the idea of it. I thought I would never ever want to marry again. But I'm changing my mind. I'd love to have someone who could share the load. Life is chaotic, so I want a someone to share the chaos with!
I'm hoping that most of my worse has worked itself out and I can concentrate on finding the better. But for sure, next time around, I'm going to look for a real, authentic man, one who HAS a worse. He won't have to be perfect. He just has to be perfect for me, and know that I am perfect for him.
At the end of the day, three words cover the "for better or for worse" topic, and the successful relationships I've seen make sure they are always uttered at the end of the day. I love you. For better or for worse, there is always love. THAT'S what makes it perfect.
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