So Many Questions
Questions, questions, questions! I'm always asking so many blasted questions!
I had one really amazing boss. I've had two really good bosses in the entirety of my working years but Adam stands out because as soon as I would say "Hey, Boss?" he'd reply with "Let me guess, you have a question." He always smiled when he said it because my curious brain was always ticking and working and wondering.
I'm like a second grader. I don't perhaps absorb the information I take in as soundly as I did when I was six years old, but I still want to know.
In 9th grade I was a frustrated algebra student. I could give you the answer to an equation, but I could never understand why it worked. Reprimanded for not having the ability to show my work, both my brilliant (and very patient) algebra teacher and myself would become terribly frustrated. I was always asking why it worked but couldn't figure it out using the formula. He would tell me to quit asking questions and just write down how I got the answer. I couldn't for the life of me do it. "No. I need to know why." Mr. Davis would shake his head and tell me to just memorize the formula and trust it and quit asking questions. I still don't know why. And I've taken algebra four times.
As an adult, I still have this insatiable desire to learn. My roommate is a genius. I don't say that lightly. She is so intellegent. She never makes me feel ignorant, but patiently answers my questions in layman's terms. I always wonder if she secretly shakes her head at me when I ask, "Now what does that mean?" I appreciate her so much for giving me simple answers!
Ending a three year on-again-off-again very complicated non-relationship has left me with so many questions. He is far less patient with me. I ask over and over again questions so that I know why it didn't work the way I wanted it to, and what happened and what he wanted done differently. He doesn't answer. Maybe he doesn't know because he asks fewer questions. He is perhaps just content to move on without really digging for answers.
Always having so many questions leaves me quite dissatisfied with my life. Part of me is a confident adventurer. Part of me is lacking basic confidence. Questioning the decisions I have made, and then not making decisions because I have questions often bump into each other causing great conflict in my existence.
Questions have made me overly cautious and actually quite frozen in my current state of being. Why, why, WHY????
Instead of questioning my questioning, I am indulging in them in a different way as of late. Asking questions is good. It means I am aware that I have much more to learn on this lifetime journey, that I don't believe I've arrived, and that I know I am not "all that." It is part of who I am. I just have to memorize the formula, quit thinking so hard on why it works, and trust the outcome.
Questions are now growth opportunities. It is the way I listen, learn and love. It is not so much that I believe knowledge is power (although it sure does help) but that it aids in gaining wisdom and depth and makes me a better listener, gives me reason to learn about people and things, and increases my love for the task of living.
So many questions. I ask so many questions! Every day is a school day. I am in perpetual motion and gathering wisdom as I spin among the life I'm given. Asking why can lead to self-pity. I've been there. I had to change that sentence from "Why me?" or "Why not me?" to just investigating the why. Gather and grow. Listen, learn, love and live. Be a seeker.
Why not?
I had one really amazing boss. I've had two really good bosses in the entirety of my working years but Adam stands out because as soon as I would say "Hey, Boss?" he'd reply with "Let me guess, you have a question." He always smiled when he said it because my curious brain was always ticking and working and wondering.
I'm like a second grader. I don't perhaps absorb the information I take in as soundly as I did when I was six years old, but I still want to know.
In 9th grade I was a frustrated algebra student. I could give you the answer to an equation, but I could never understand why it worked. Reprimanded for not having the ability to show my work, both my brilliant (and very patient) algebra teacher and myself would become terribly frustrated. I was always asking why it worked but couldn't figure it out using the formula. He would tell me to quit asking questions and just write down how I got the answer. I couldn't for the life of me do it. "No. I need to know why." Mr. Davis would shake his head and tell me to just memorize the formula and trust it and quit asking questions. I still don't know why. And I've taken algebra four times.
As an adult, I still have this insatiable desire to learn. My roommate is a genius. I don't say that lightly. She is so intellegent. She never makes me feel ignorant, but patiently answers my questions in layman's terms. I always wonder if she secretly shakes her head at me when I ask, "Now what does that mean?" I appreciate her so much for giving me simple answers!
Ending a three year on-again-off-again very complicated non-relationship has left me with so many questions. He is far less patient with me. I ask over and over again questions so that I know why it didn't work the way I wanted it to, and what happened and what he wanted done differently. He doesn't answer. Maybe he doesn't know because he asks fewer questions. He is perhaps just content to move on without really digging for answers.
Always having so many questions leaves me quite dissatisfied with my life. Part of me is a confident adventurer. Part of me is lacking basic confidence. Questioning the decisions I have made, and then not making decisions because I have questions often bump into each other causing great conflict in my existence.
Questions have made me overly cautious and actually quite frozen in my current state of being. Why, why, WHY????
Instead of questioning my questioning, I am indulging in them in a different way as of late. Asking questions is good. It means I am aware that I have much more to learn on this lifetime journey, that I don't believe I've arrived, and that I know I am not "all that." It is part of who I am. I just have to memorize the formula, quit thinking so hard on why it works, and trust the outcome.
Questions are now growth opportunities. It is the way I listen, learn and love. It is not so much that I believe knowledge is power (although it sure does help) but that it aids in gaining wisdom and depth and makes me a better listener, gives me reason to learn about people and things, and increases my love for the task of living.
So many questions. I ask so many questions! Every day is a school day. I am in perpetual motion and gathering wisdom as I spin among the life I'm given. Asking why can lead to self-pity. I've been there. I had to change that sentence from "Why me?" or "Why not me?" to just investigating the why. Gather and grow. Listen, learn, love and live. Be a seeker.
Why not?
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