Last Day, First Day

Have you heard the saying that "Today is the first day of the rest of your life?" So cliché, right? Or is it actually one very important truth that resides deep inside of us? Similar words are written in some of the oldest and most treasured text available to mankind. "His mercies are new every morning." "Today is the day that the Lord has made." 

Indeed, today IS the first day of the rest of your life because yesterday is gone, and tomorrow may never come. 

Okay, I'll stop with the sayings that everyone knows. But those very words and my very recent actions have become my reality. Today they ARE. 

A couple of years ago my creative self, my starving artist, my gypsy soul was done starving and wanted something new, something stable. In my mind, this meant silencing the artist--giving up teaching music, taking portraits, writing novels and poetry and going to the mountains to fuel my spiritual self. It meant taking a 9 to 5 kind of job, so that I could be the mom, grandmother and friend the world told me to be. 

Six months ago this resulted in a promotion, a new car, and getting my bills all paid on time. It also meant becoming "a suit" and displaying the pretense of being a manager, and driving 112 miles a day to pretend I could do this. And I was good at it!

But not as good at it as being who I am created to be. 

I started......dying. I didn't realize how dark a place I had allowed my heart, mind, and body to wallow in. Dying. My mind became a function of habit, not of thought. My heart was darkened to a color very near to black to avoid the hurt that came with denying who I was called to be. My spiritual life? I couldn't even touch it. My body gave up. My health failed, capable only of the necessity of getting to and from the stable job that paid bills and bought a car and had a title. I spent a lot of time in bed. 

I tried to get out and do things. I tried spending time with friends but it exhausted me. I tried to go hiking, but it was work. My beautiful photographic ability seemed to have fled. I ate poorly. I lost my enthusiasm for living and those who know me, know that is something I have an abundance of when I am in my good space. My guitar gathered dust. So did my Bible. So did my soul. 

I didn't realize the depth of despair I had allowed myself to fall into. I knew I was drowning. I just didn't have the energy to swim. I knew I was dying. I just didn't have the energy to live. I scared myself. I scared others. 

And if it wasn't for "the others" I would have died. 

Two weeks ago, the person I live with, who loves me so preciously, whom I birthed and gave life to, came into my room and had a very hard conversation with her mother. 

Her message? CHANGE. 

I can't imagine how hard that was, for a daughter to have to approach her mom and tell her that things are dark but in our power to change and heal, that something different needs to be done. I can't imagine being that frightened for you mom that you have to tell her that. I can't imagine how hard it is to lose your mother to such darkness you have to be the one to shed light into her. 

I'm so grateful that when I didn't have courage, God sent the one who did. 

As tears are streaming down my face with such a grateful heart, I want you to know that if you are in a space that you know you do not belong, you can change it. 

Fear is real, and painful, and can trap you in its grasp, but fear is lying to you! 

I was so afraid of letting go of what I thought I needed that I didn't trust in what my truth is. 

Just two weeks and one day ago, I took wise words from my gifted daughter, and courage infused in my spirit by the Spirit, and released myself from the very thing that was killing me. 

Was it my job? Not at all. It as doing the thing opposed to what I was supposed to be doing--the thing that is me. It was fear that I would never be more, have more, accomplish more, or find success unless I did the thing I hated and gave up the thing I loved. 

I gave my two week notice. Yesterday was my last day. 

And today is my first. 

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.

Do not deny the gift that is in you. DO NOT DENY THE GIFT THAT IS IN YOU!

Denying who you are created to be is going to sicken you, mentally, physically and spiritually. Who are YOU? What is that special gifting that no one but you can do? Or that no one does quite like you do? DO THAT! 

Called to be a full-time mom? DO IT! Called to be a mechanical engineer? DO IT! Called to be a teacher? DO IT! These might not be the ONLY things you are called to do. And they may be for a season. But do that thing that you KNOW you are supposed to do. 

Whatever you do, do it to the best of your ability. Do not neglect the gift that is in you. Do it with all your might! That thing that He has started in you? He is GOING TO COMPLETE IT. 

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. LIVE IN IT!

Lovingly, 
Cherie