DEAR SELF.....HOW ARE YOU TODAY, REALLY?

 

©CherieElainePortraitBoutique2022

The past two weeks have held me hostage with Covid Round 2. On one of those days, in my journal I penned, "Dear Self, how are you today? Really?"

That was all she wrote. I looked into the mirror, studied my tired eyes, and responded with, "I don't even know."

I knew I was sick. I knew I was tired. I knew I had a temperature. I knew I wanted to just sleep and sleep and sleep. But these are but physical symptoms. I think I really wanted to know how my soul was doing. 

Sometimes we are so caught up in what our emotional self is feeling, that we forget to look at how we really are, how are true inner being is.

Looking through the photographs that have been captured in my camera in 2022, I feel alive. I feel loved. 

Meet Frank. He is an big old goat that gave me more joy than words can say. 

©CherieElainePortraitBoutique2022

©CherieElainePortraitBoutique2022

Love comes in all shapes and sizes. God uses the unexpected things to prove it. This goat. I wish I had someone taking pictures of me with him instead of me taking pictures of him. It was love at first sight. I approached the fence. He stood on his hind legs. Made goat noise. Gave me kisses as soon as I approached him. 

When I got into the pen with him, he put his front hooves around my shoulder and hugged me, followed by kisses and more goat noise. He tried to share his straw with me. He leaned into me. He really leaned into me. 

How was I THAT day? I was loved. I was loved. 

And how am I today? I am loved.

I have a friend here who is ready to go exploring at a moment's notice, and we often just take off on unplanned adventures. I work at an exhausting job that makes it possible for me to spend a couple of hours behind the camera doing my work. Being a photographer makes me feel alive. 

©CherieElainePortraitBoutique2022

Driving down a dirt road one day, we came upon a couple of horses that came to the fence to greet us. They were powerful and affectionate and strong. I was in the right place at the right time and they posed so beautifully for photos. How was I that day? I was alive. 

And how am I today? I am alive. 

It's the last day of quarantine. I'm "feeling" trapped, sick of being cooped up, ready to get moving, agitated, ready to go on some unplanned adventure again. 

But how am I really? 

I AM LOVED. I AM ALIVE. 

Psalm 139 talks about how we are knit together on purpose, our days numbered, and known, how intricately we are put together with a plan. At the end of the chapter it says, "Search me.....know me....see me...." 

It is giving God permission to let you see how you really are.

We are more than how we are feeling. We are. And that is a beautiful thing. 

Love you. 

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

2 

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

    you discern my thoughts from afar.

3 

You search out my path and my lying down

    and are acquainted with all my ways.

4 

Even before a word is on my tongue,

    behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

5 

You hem me in, behind and before,

    and lay your hand upon me.

6 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

    it is high; I cannot attain it.

7 

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

    Or where shall I flee from your presence?

8 

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

9 

If I take the wings of the morning

    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

10 

even there your hand shall lead me,

    and your right hand shall hold me.

11 

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

    and the light about me be night,”

12 

even the darkness is not dark to you;

    the night is bright as the day,

    for darkness is as light with you.

13 

For you formed my inward parts;

    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

14 

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.[a]

Wonderful are your works;

    my soul knows it very well.

15 

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

16 

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

    the days that were formed for me,

    when as yet there was none of them.

17 

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

    How vast is the sum of them!

18 

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

    I awake, and I am still with you.

19 

Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!

    O men of blood, depart from me!

20 

They speak against you with malicious intent;

    your enemies take your name in vain.

21 

Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?

    And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?

22 

I hate them with complete hatred;

    I count them my enemies.

23 

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

    Try me and know my thoughts!

24 

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

    and lead me in the way everlasting!