Don't Make Excuses, Just Know Your No
The beginning of this thought process came when there was a great amount of pressure to just do "anything." Experiencing success through the eyes of others often leads to making choices unsuitable for the person making them. Most of the advice was given in the light of unemployment. It was well-meaning, at first, then seemed to be pressurized as time wore on. It could have been misinterpreted based simply on a lack of confidence and the desire to be successful AND happy. Those were the two things that needed to come together so that my "yes" would be a resounding and solid "yes."
The lesson that needed learned was that sometimes a person just needs to know their no! What tumbles out of our mouths in conversation when we are being led down a path that is uncomfortable for us often leads to excuses. All of the reasons that decision wouldn't be right for us, even when our counterparts are telling us that yes, it would, are.....chicken pooh excuses when what we really need is the courage to just stand up for what we want, what believe about ourselves and say NO.
Here's the problem with saying no. We don't know exactly why we need to say no. And when we don't know why, we come up with excuses for not saying yes.
Two things happen here. One, you insult the person who is trying to give you solid, loving advice. And two, we are not using our best selves to create the solution we want to arrive at.
So many of us have settled. Settled for less than we can do, for the wrong job, the wrong relationship, the wrong color of paint in the bedroom, simply because we were not strong enough to hear and believe in our no. We settle for what we don't want instead of pursuing what we DO.
It takes so much courage to just say no, that's not what I want, that's not what I'm doing, that's not where I'm going, no, no, no. And it takes really getting inside your own head to figure out why you are saying no so that you feel confident when you do.
Start by making a pro/con list. Start with what you DO want. Make a list of why you want it. No reason too large or too small, too silly or too practical. Just make the list. Then make a list of what you DON'T want. List the reasons and get to know your no. Look at your lists. Determine what situations may cause you to squirm. Put your deal breakers at the top. Be confident and have the courage to believe in what is in front of you and be proactive in doing what's right for you!
I had been out of work for a number of months. I was really broke. My credit tanked 100 points. I was eating ramen. I was depressed; not a little bit, either, really, really, scary depressed. I had a lot of "just take this job" and "just do that" or "its only until the right thing opens up." My stress level was escalating more from making excuses and then it was from just being honest with myself, and others about what I needed. Yes, that's right, needed.
List after list. Night after night. Interview after interview. One week I had 18 interviews! Listing what I wanted, who I was, and what I was willing to do to get there made my excuses fall away, and I knew what my no was. And I could tell people why.
We are not created to settle. I'm sorry, but learning the biblical practice of contentment and just settling are two different things. Don't make excuses for your decisions! KNOW YOUR NO. And DO YOUR YES. I discovered that I get bored, I need to be serving others, I need to be a problem solver, I need to feel good about what I'm doing and I absolutely have to be devoted to creativity and art being strong influences in my life. My answer? Taking temporary positions and doing my best work. Making beautiful photographs as often as possible, and MAKING it possible because this is the work I love and do best. Fill the gaps with those temp jobs. Take classes. Practice living. Practice being happy and content while I wait. But absolutely, under NO circumstances settle for less.
So readers, let me encourage you. Inspire you even. Don't make excuses. Just know your no. And do your yes. :-)
Much love.
The lesson that needed learned was that sometimes a person just needs to know their no! What tumbles out of our mouths in conversation when we are being led down a path that is uncomfortable for us often leads to excuses. All of the reasons that decision wouldn't be right for us, even when our counterparts are telling us that yes, it would, are.....chicken pooh excuses when what we really need is the courage to just stand up for what we want, what believe about ourselves and say NO.
Here's the problem with saying no. We don't know exactly why we need to say no. And when we don't know why, we come up with excuses for not saying yes.
Two things happen here. One, you insult the person who is trying to give you solid, loving advice. And two, we are not using our best selves to create the solution we want to arrive at.
So many of us have settled. Settled for less than we can do, for the wrong job, the wrong relationship, the wrong color of paint in the bedroom, simply because we were not strong enough to hear and believe in our no. We settle for what we don't want instead of pursuing what we DO.
It takes so much courage to just say no, that's not what I want, that's not what I'm doing, that's not where I'm going, no, no, no. And it takes really getting inside your own head to figure out why you are saying no so that you feel confident when you do.
Start by making a pro/con list. Start with what you DO want. Make a list of why you want it. No reason too large or too small, too silly or too practical. Just make the list. Then make a list of what you DON'T want. List the reasons and get to know your no. Look at your lists. Determine what situations may cause you to squirm. Put your deal breakers at the top. Be confident and have the courage to believe in what is in front of you and be proactive in doing what's right for you!
I had been out of work for a number of months. I was really broke. My credit tanked 100 points. I was eating ramen. I was depressed; not a little bit, either, really, really, scary depressed. I had a lot of "just take this job" and "just do that" or "its only until the right thing opens up." My stress level was escalating more from making excuses and then it was from just being honest with myself, and others about what I needed. Yes, that's right, needed.
List after list. Night after night. Interview after interview. One week I had 18 interviews! Listing what I wanted, who I was, and what I was willing to do to get there made my excuses fall away, and I knew what my no was. And I could tell people why.
We are not created to settle. I'm sorry, but learning the biblical practice of contentment and just settling are two different things. Don't make excuses for your decisions! KNOW YOUR NO. And DO YOUR YES. I discovered that I get bored, I need to be serving others, I need to be a problem solver, I need to feel good about what I'm doing and I absolutely have to be devoted to creativity and art being strong influences in my life. My answer? Taking temporary positions and doing my best work. Making beautiful photographs as often as possible, and MAKING it possible because this is the work I love and do best. Fill the gaps with those temp jobs. Take classes. Practice living. Practice being happy and content while I wait. But absolutely, under NO circumstances settle for less.
So readers, let me encourage you. Inspire you even. Don't make excuses. Just know your no. And do your yes. :-)
Much love.
Comments
Post a Comment