A FERVENT QUIET
I was sitting outside with my breakfast measuring the sound of traffic against the sound of birdsong. Last week, while on vacation, birdsong won hands down. This week, back in Denver where the weather can't make up her mind, teasing us with spring before giving us a good covering of snowfall, traffic has the upper hand.
I am quieted. Determined to hold on to the quiet I gleaned while on vacation, I have the energy to make fervent moves into my career that seemed lost and lackluster.
It is a juxtaposition of emotion, this quiet and fervent soul-rich awareness. I like it.
The past year has been hell-on-earth. Sort of. To say it has been "a hard year" is ridiculously understated. Do you remember the first signs of people wearing masks? I do. I walked across the street to grab some lunch from the grocery store, and there they were. Masked humans. In our own town.
It was the oddest feeling. It was but a few weeks later, on March 24, 2020, that I started noticing symptoms. Two days later, a confirmed diagnoses. I was a number. I had the dreaded Covid-19.
It took five weeks to recover.
Recover. Funny word. I have permanent lung damage. Asthma and allergies that are far worse than they were previously. I take meds twice a day. And I hate meds!!!!
But it is the reality, yes?
I haven't "worked" since the initial shutdown. Or so it would appear. I've worked at other things. Like, my mental health. My physical health. I read. ALOT. I workout five times a week. I practice my violin every day. I will be adding my guitar (and singing at the top of my lungs--Covid stole my once lovely singing voice) into that mix soon. I battle illness exasperated but not caused by Covid-19. That's a full-time job in itself. I help with my grandkids. And walk through the trials of hard work and motherhood (and the unmet desire for it) with my daughters.
I'm figuring my life out.
I have figured out the meaning of blooming where I'm planted, of being clay in the Potter's hands.
I've enjoyed time away from corporate America, which I find stifling and unkind to my spirit and mind. I have absolutely NO intention of going back there.
I've been told so many times that it won't work. That it isn't enough.
Yes, it is.
It is, because when God says, "Do this thing," I KNOW I need to do this thing.
I'm scared right now. I need things that will contribute to business success. Like, a new computer. A camera lens that is more suitable for the work I am doing. Software. (I still use Photoshop CS2--because I like pretty pictures to happen in the camera).
I LOVE learning, though, so adding these dimensions is the next maneuver into a real career that I won't give up on this time.
The last year has been an iconic swing of emotions. Do you get that? It's been BAD. It's been GOOD. It's been fervent and quiet. And looking deep enough, I can still find myself. :-)
Love you.
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