A MILLION WORDS ARE NOT ENOUGH

 

©CherieElainePhotography2023

A million words are not enough to express how grateful I am for this new phase in my life. There is just so much freedom when fear no longer rules your thoughts and actions and faith take over the reigns. I am still so stunned at the difference in my thoughts and in my body. 

I'm not going to sugarcoat it and say it isn't risky, taking the necessary steps to sanity. But I seriously felt a nervous breakdown on the way, or a heart attack. The amount of blood pressure medication I have to take is frightening. And my body's response to the stress I was under could not be appeased by any number of meds. 

I can't get enough sleep. I have had insomnia for 20 months now. And now? I just want to play catch up. 

I haven't been able to take a deep breath. Now? I can feel my body steadily oxygenating. 

A binge eater when I am stressed for the entirety of my adult life, I feel less hungry. Food doesn't taste well unless its REALLY good. And I want to fuel my body with good things. 

I want fresh air, and movement, and sunshine. I want to write, and take beautiful photographs, and sell myself, and go and do things and talk to people. I want to live in the characteristics that have always made me me, but have been stifled under the pressure of being someone and something I wasn't. 

It wouldn't be fair to say it didn't serve a purpose. So many lessons I learned, and so many ways I helped others remind me this move here was not in vain.  Here goes.

I LOVE living by myself. Until you do, you may not realize how important that is to you. Now I know. I don't want a roommate or a husband. I love my life and my schedule and my dog is the best companion I could ask for. I can choose how and who I spend my time with.

Belle, my companion and best dog ever. 

                                                        ©CherieElainePhotography2023

I learned more about photography and how to develop my own style than I would have in the big city, competing with everyone under the sun. I don't have to be trendy. I have to do well, and I've learned to do very well. 

I am intelligent. I am wise. I have the gift of discernment. I am so incredibly strong. I have great talent. I love Jesus. I love people--even those unlovable ones (you know who you are). I love road trips--even those that take just one day. I require fresh air and getting outdoors. I know how to be authentic--and I am being and doing me. 

I know that it is Biblical to be content. When you find that you absolutely cannot be so, something is wrong. I had to decide to trust God. I had to quit listening to outside voices that said I was wrong. I had to risk disappointing people who matter much less than He does. I had to be willing to say--and mean it--"I don't care. I NEED to be done." 

It was scary and hard, y'all, to just break free. But let me tell you, I am so grateful. Oh my God, I thank you. A million words are not enough. 

Amen.

I love you. Mean it. 

Cherie