ME: ON NOT KEEPING UP

©CherieElainePhotography2024

Do you ever get that feeling that you are disappearing? I am feeling that so much lately. 

I am not, of course, but in fact, doing very well at my job and in the community. 

I am not, however, as playful and refreshing as I once was. 

Age? Perhaps. Or perhaps it is because I spend my life around elderly people at home, and elderly things at work. 

I love elderly people, their stories and antidotes. I love old things, the look and history behind them. 

Pause: I also have a super sensitive spirit to some of those things that bewilders me, and I want to run screaming. For instance. An Iron Lung. Look it up. Ew. Right outside my office door? A hearse. Not a modern hearse. A horse drawn carriage hearse. I digress.....

Here is what I'm learning about myself. I am disappearing. 

I work in a dark building (darkened to protect artifacts, brightened with artificial light so you can see said artifacts). I hide in my apartment when I get home, because after dark old things I a ready for bright new things, and elderly people need me to be there for them in darkened times. Because they get out less, their skin is the color of artificial light, and I still feel like I'm at work. 

All of this humorous manner of speaking to say, I'm aging at a rate I'd rather not because I'm not keeping up. 

I'm keeping up with the old. 

I'm not keeping up with me. And I might be 60, but I am NOT old.

What has happened to me?

Yesterday I realized that I miss being around kids. I miss my grandkids like mad, of course. But kids in general. Youthful laughter. Imaginary play. Skipping down a sidewalk. Being more adventurous than cautious. 

I am not keeping up.

I miss when it mattered if I wore makeup. I miss going for hikes in the sun, or in the snow, and loving it either way. I miss carrying my camera with me everywhere, and going everywhere so I could carry my camera. I miss listening to live music, and singing live. I miss instruments that used to be worn from playing and not worn from dust covering them. I miss writing. OH HOW I JUST WANT TO SIT AND WRITE! And reading for hours? Nope. Now I squeeze a quick 30-minute-hold-a-real-book-your-hands read. 

A friend of mine is hostessing a reading retreat. Three glorious days in June where you do nothing but read. You don't cook. Your cell phone won't work. You just read. 

Oh for the love of Pete, I want to experience that! However, I don't have a Pete to love so there you have it. I won't be doing that soon!

Don't you ever just get tired of being tired???? 

Thank you for letting me scream and throw a fit. :-) 

Here's what I think about not keeping up. It's not about slowing down until you do nothing. And that's pretty much what I've done. It's slowing down so I CAN do something. I should NOT be living to work, but working to live. And if working is having the opposite affect, and part of me is dying? NOT GOOD. 

So where is the line? How can I possibly keep up and pay bills (by the way, I make just enough money to do that) and still have a life? 

I need something fresh and new that encourages enthusiasm. And guess what? Its going to be something old. Isn't that ironic? 

I am going to dust off the instruments. I'm going to go for a walk with my camera. I'm going to read for and hour or so today. Maybe I'll even put on makeup AND do my hair.  

I'm sitting here right now writing to you. 

It feels good to get that off my chest. I'm forever trying to be polite. Sometimes I just need to say it. 

JUST SAY IT! 

Is something on your mind that is keeping you from keeping up? Get it off your chest! Free up some of that room inside of you to take a break from the mundane or the busy-ness. 

Well, this was an earful. 

It wasn't very spiritually engaging was it? 

So I will end on this note. 

"Cast all your cares on Him. He cares for you." 

HE CARES FOR YOU. AND HE WILL ALWAYS KEEP UP. 

Love you!