I'M RETIRING

©cherieelainephotography2025

I am retiring. I have two days of what the world deems acceptable work and then, I am done. At sixty-two, I will take my tiniest bit of retirement money and do work that I find acceptable. 

I was very excited. Did you notice I said I was excited?

Today I am afraid. I am afraid of attempting to live on a miserly income, not that there is extra to hoard. I am afraid of being labeled lazy. I'm afraid of people assuming I will have lots of free time for them (first I need to spend some free time on me). I'm afraid of not going to work. I'm afraid I will never live somewhere alone ever again (as I've aged I've relished in those moments and become quite the introvert, really). I'm afraid of oppression and depression holding me down and suffocating me while I try to become who I have always wanted to be...... just me.

Fear of retirement is new. For the first time ever, if I'm not "working" I will still have income. Very little mind you. Most of you would choke if I told you was I was attempting. But I won't be facing zero dollars a month. 

I have big desires. Goals yet to reach. Goals I cannot muster the energy to accomplish when I go to a standard job to work. My goals will require work. Work some will not understand. I will be working. 

I will spend more time taking photographs. I will be intentional, and relish the accidental surprises that will unfold, just by being out and present with  my camera. Perhaps I will even sell some, and purpose to get into a gallery once again. 

I have several children's books awaiting my writing them. I've finished one. But it is one in a series of many I purposed to accomplish 15 years ago, before my first grandchild was born. I have two adult novels that are roughly handwritten on notebook paper with scribbles and edits throughout the pages that will perhaps be finished. 

And here, I will spend more time here, writing words that I will pray will be of encouragement or enlightenment. 

That is the work. That is my work.  

I will spend time practicing music and dancing and singing. I will lay out my art supplies on an outdoor table, even in the chilly mornings, wrapped in a blanket to paint my prayers. I will be with my grandchildren, and spend girlie days with my daughters. I will walk my dog, and hike more. I will strengthen the gift of this body with movement, and nap when it wears me out. 

Awwww......there it is again. The excitement of retiring. Is there still fear? I imagine there will be every month, hoping it is enough to make ends meet. But it will never again be zero. And I will finally get to be who I want to be "when I grow up." My head won't be so busy that I cannot find my way. The Holy Spirit, the lamp to my feet, will guide me along the Red Road. And I will be me. And I think that's the best part. 

Love you all. I hope to see more of you here soon. 

P.S. Make sure to step outside every day. God has been painting for you. 

©cherieelainephotography2025