I came home on April 1, 2014, after spending the month of March as a missionary in Mexico. During my trip many things in my life had unraveled. I came home to my security being undone. What seemed like was perfect timing had the appearance of being quite imperfect. Many well-intentioned friends felt I had made a grave mistake by taking a trip at this time in my life. There were a number of factors that influenced my decision. One. If I am serious about being a photojournalist, being someone who makes a difference in this world, then at some point I have to bite the bullet and go. Two. The opportunity was perfect. In between jobs, a lease up on my apartment. Money in the bank. Three. When God says GO its a good idea to GO. Sometimes there is a whale awaiting a good snack if you don't obey. :-) (Jonah-Holy Bible)
I want to be gentle with my words. Those who don't understand this could be offended, as I have been, but I want to share with you what I've learned. I came home financially devastated. I was asking this question: "God, I obeyed you. Why are you allowing this to happen right now?"
He said this: "It would have happened anyway. And if you would have known what you would face when you returned,
would you have gone?"
Wow. God will
always give you an answer when you ask if you are
willing to receive an answer. Nope. I would not have gone.
Life is HARD. But you know what? Its not as hard as the lives I saw changed while I was in Mexico. The American homeless population can find toilets that flush that have seats on them. We have missions where the hungry and broken can go find help. But you know what we don't have that the Mexican people I met do? The will and ability to survive. We are so used to our creature comforts. Case in point: If you are reading this, you have access to a computer. They build homes out of any materials they can find. They cook on clay stoves.
There is nothing on this earth that could change my mind about this one thing: I was called to go, I went, and
it was the right thing to do. I thought it would be easy to come home and blog about my trip. There is not room enough here to do this. A blog cannot contain it. It needs a book.
We are so fooled by our impression of what Mexico looks like. We vacation there to get spoiled in the sun, having umbrella drinks served to us on the beaches.
All of Mexico isn't like that.
One of the reasons I decided today is a good day to write about this is because I have something strong to say, and I want it to be kind and gentle, but I want to tell the TRUTH. My heart has so been changed by this experience. I am intolerant of those who make derogatory remarks about Mexicans. Don't judge them. You aren't in their shoes. I have heard them called lazy, irresponsible, thieves, and worse. You are basing your opinion on the few who have given them a bad name. Remember that you, as a white person, are not judged based crimes committed by the white race and some of them are horrific.
I was so hurt to return unwelcomed, and felt betrayed by many. Most believed it was wrong for me to go. Few have been interested in hearing about my trip, but for the few that
want to, it has been so precious a time to be able to share. I have learned that people do not respect one another's decisions. My life might be a financial disaster, but yours might be a moral disaster, or a family disaster. Life is chaotic, and we all have crosses to bear. I just want you to know, that making this trip was more important than some of you will ever realize. It was a step of faith. It was a position of submission to The Authority that knows all things. It was time. And I am so grateful that I was able to go. I made good friends and cannot wait to return to them again. They are a proud, hard-working, God-fearing, generous people. I fell in love. They love Jesus, and they love me. My face was sore from smiling in their presence. It was a Holy Spirit experience. Please be cautious of your impressions about my timing, my situation, and what you think is right. You don't know what you say. Or Who you say it to. I'm thankful that He is bigger, and He understands our doubt. He has big enough shoulders to bear it.
Here I need to say thank you to those who have embraced me, helped me out, who care for me while I get back on my feet. I have been overwhelmed by the generosity of some--people who don't know me, who have helped because someone asked them to on my behalf. Wow. God bless you.
Because I believe God, and what He called me to, and because we live in a fallen and confused world, this will never make sense to some. We spend so much time worshipping money. In God's economy we are not limited by money, or time, and there was no better time for me to go then right now. There's a plan falling into place right this minute, and I believe Him. He has it all coming together, even if its difficult right now. I believe that if I ask, and believe I will receive it. I will not forget His word to me.
If you would have known, would you have gone? He knows me so well. :-)
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