The Perils of Exhaustion
Lord, have mercy. Either I'm too busy working to get anything done or when I do have time I'm too exhausted from working to get anything done. And then, it happens. Every single time. You'd think I'd learn. But its necessary. I work until my body says HALT, and I have to stop what I'm doing and just lay down. And then, my home, the place I should find a sanctuary of rest looks like this:
Dayplanner, laptop, phone, books, journal, Bible, tissues, checkbook, camera, sheet music and guitar, all the things surrounding a coffee table that should have nothing on it but a good book and a cup of tea.
Why do I consistently insist on doing so much, even when I'm home sick?! Because the world demands it. And I'm in it even if I'm not of it. Four jobs. Because I can't earn enough with one. Homework. Because without a degree I will never earn enough at just one. So far the only "career" opportunities I am offered have to do with sales. This I am okay at, but this is not a skill that has anything to do with the big picture. So I work, work, work, to earn, earn, earn, and earn more because the earning never equals the working. And then there's homework. School, school, school!
Three days ago my body gave up. I went to work, but after an hour and a half, I knew I needed to be home in bed. Went to 2nd job that night. After about the same amount of time, I went home to bed again. Yesterday, most of the day? In bed. I went to rehearse with my music students at job #3, Went to bed. Got up, had our performance (which was delightful) and came home. Bed again. Today, I want to be with my grandchildren at school. I want to head into town to get some nutritional support. But no, I am staying in bed. Pillows, blankets, Secondhand Lions and Gilmore Girls. Tea. Mocha. Warm things to drink. Ordered pizza. Too much work to cook.
And my brain. My brain is finally quiet. I have been struggling to quiet it. I have been feeling my racing heart beat in my temples. Thoughts, stressful thoughts, kept invading it. Working seven days a week has weakened its operation. But today. It is quiet. Three days into a physical meltdown, my brain is happy. My body is still aching and I want to keep sleeping. But my brain is quiet, and actually allowing me to do so! A happy brain.....a quieted mental state. Finally.
The lesson is this one, readers. My bills aren't going to be paid on time. There's all kinds of stress that money unleashes on it's recipients. But there is no way to combat stress without taking time to combat stress. There's a reason for the Sabbath, folks!
I think I've written about this before. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind there is a place where I believe I have experienced this madness before! Have I learned this valuable lesson yet? That I need to take a little bit of time for resting? I've been far too busy to even read my own blog. I think this time I am finally learning the lesson. SLOW DOWN. REST A MINUTE.
See this? Its calling my name for an afternoon snooze.And you know what? I'm jumping in and taking a nap! Oh blissful rest. I will allow you to beckon me on a regular basis from here on out. Thanks for reminding me that I needed you.
Why do I consistently insist on doing so much, even when I'm home sick?! Because the world demands it. And I'm in it even if I'm not of it. Four jobs. Because I can't earn enough with one. Homework. Because without a degree I will never earn enough at just one. So far the only "career" opportunities I am offered have to do with sales. This I am okay at, but this is not a skill that has anything to do with the big picture. So I work, work, work, to earn, earn, earn, and earn more because the earning never equals the working. And then there's homework. School, school, school!
Three days ago my body gave up. I went to work, but after an hour and a half, I knew I needed to be home in bed. Went to 2nd job that night. After about the same amount of time, I went home to bed again. Yesterday, most of the day? In bed. I went to rehearse with my music students at job #3, Went to bed. Got up, had our performance (which was delightful) and came home. Bed again. Today, I want to be with my grandchildren at school. I want to head into town to get some nutritional support. But no, I am staying in bed. Pillows, blankets, Secondhand Lions and Gilmore Girls. Tea. Mocha. Warm things to drink. Ordered pizza. Too much work to cook.
And my brain. My brain is finally quiet. I have been struggling to quiet it. I have been feeling my racing heart beat in my temples. Thoughts, stressful thoughts, kept invading it. Working seven days a week has weakened its operation. But today. It is quiet. Three days into a physical meltdown, my brain is happy. My body is still aching and I want to keep sleeping. But my brain is quiet, and actually allowing me to do so! A happy brain.....a quieted mental state. Finally.
The lesson is this one, readers. My bills aren't going to be paid on time. There's all kinds of stress that money unleashes on it's recipients. But there is no way to combat stress without taking time to combat stress. There's a reason for the Sabbath, folks!
I think I've written about this before. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind there is a place where I believe I have experienced this madness before! Have I learned this valuable lesson yet? That I need to take a little bit of time for resting? I've been far too busy to even read my own blog. I think this time I am finally learning the lesson. SLOW DOWN. REST A MINUTE.
See this? Its calling my name for an afternoon snooze.And you know what? I'm jumping in and taking a nap! Oh blissful rest. I will allow you to beckon me on a regular basis from here on out. Thanks for reminding me that I needed you.
A SPECIAL NOTE:
Some of you have inquired as to how I am feeling. I thought I had weakened my immune system and succumbed to the flu. That would be preferable. However, I am having a pretty serious Lupus flare. I have struggled with this illness for 20 years now. God has been good to restore complete health to my body a number of times. Once in awhile, during times like this when I have worn myself out and allowed too much stress to invade my life, the blasted disease starts a fight. It is one that I will always win. Thank you for worrying, but there is no need. I need to just rest, and make good decisions that will protect my mind, my body, and my spirit. I am on my way to good health again. I love you all for your concern. :-)
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