Fascinating

I had a little social media rant about my doctors yesterday.

They are scientists of the body. I understand this. I expect them to be brilliant. When they are perplexed it comes out "fascinating." When a man tells me I'm fascinating, I prefer to be wearing something other than a hospital gown that opens to the back. And I'd like to maybe even be awake. I've always embraced being unique, but "fascinating" is not my favorite vernacular in doctor-speak, unless, of course, it's over dinner and cocktails and I'm dressed to the nines.

I've been a pin cushion and a paint ball balloon.They look at screens and pictures and utter "hmmm" or "uh huh." What does that MEAN?

I should have asked them to store all the blood I've had to give up for this. "This." What the heck is "this?"

"Don't know," they said. "Let's do it again." I flipped a little bit.

Me: "WAIT!!!! WHAT IS IT????"

Doc: "We'll find out."

"Nope. Fascinating."

"See that?"

Me: "What is it?"

Doc: "Don't know. Fascinating." (More emphasis on the word this time)

More pictures! More poking! Let's see what's changed over the last two months. Practice makes perfect.

Well put me in a cage. I am a guinea pig.

I don't like cages. Especially big ones that hum that they tell you to hold your breath in. Or needles. I don't like those, either. Or fizzy lifting drinks (One doctor looks like a Willy Wonka and I had to drink chalk. But for a couple of hours, I did feel a bit like I was lifting).

Yeah, I'm pretty done with this. They can't fix what they don't know. But what if I'm not the ONLY one that has this and repeating tests and being a practice test dummy helps them find a better way to treat or diagnose it when someone else shows up with the same thing?

I got so mad yesterday.

Not their fault. I'm just tired of it. I have to decide if I want to continue or learn to live with it.

The GOOD news is that I'm not dying. Yay. We got that part right. I just have to decide if I can keep going and still be NICE.

Sorry, Doc. I know it's not your fault. Big decisions.

But thank you for noticing that I'm fascinating. :-)