The Roller-coasters!
When I was 11 years old, my friend Robin and I went to a carnival in Oregon. We rode this crazy thing called The Zipper. We rode it over and over again, stretching to the sky and promptly dropping to the bottom in a spinning cage. What were we thinking? There was probably a cute boy running it.
As a teenager, a much less fun experience led me to an amusement park in Denver and onto an old wooden roller coaster. It just ran and ran and ran for awhile but not because some cute boy was at the helm. It was malfunctioning. It was racing up and down and around faster and faster as the minutes passed. Somehow at some point an emergency brake was pulled on the coaster and it stopped suddenly at the top of an incline.
I am scared of heights....REALLY scared. Its amazing that I am so passionate about hiking. The views and nature and sunshine usually help me overcome the fear.
Riding roller coasters? Not so much! Peer pressure and adrenaline got me on it in the first place. And now, says the nice firefighter trying to rescue us from the top of the coaster, I need you to climb down.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?
Obviously I did, because my feet are planted firmly under my desk right here, right now, years later. But I was so scared that I can't even remember getting down.
I've felt like this for weeks now. Like I was on this crazy out of control ride, that I was holding on for dear life, but that it came to a screeching halt and a handsome firefighter said it was time to climb off.
I've been struggling for about 23 years with my health. Every couple of years I just take sick and I get knocked off my feet and it takes a couple of weeks to climb back on that horse. (I find the carousel to be more my speed now). This time it was different. I didn't heed the warning of the gentle, strong, safe voice and I kept going. It took Him confiding in my closest people to holler "STOP!" and pull the emergency brake for me to get a grip and start the frightening climb down.
I'm not good at living in a world where my body won't keep up. I like to GO. I like to DO. And I work HARD. Just like that roller coaster got faster and faster until someone could pull the brakes, my life races and races. Usually my body slows me down and I have to hop off the life I'm in and start over.
This time I kept pushing. And pushing. And instead of fear and trembling, there was something worse. There was nothing. Not only could I not climb down, I had to be carried.
Here's something interesting I found this morning on Dictionary.com.
Roller coaster (n): A small gravity railroad, especially in an amusement park, having a train with open cars that moves along a high, sharply winding trestle built with steep inclines that produce sudden speedy plunges for thrill seeking passengers.
Roller-coaster (v): To experience a period of prosperity, happiness, security, or the like, followed by a contrasting period of economic depression, despair, or the like.
Really? A dash in the middle can make that much difference?
Yes.
I like the thrill of starting something new, of earning a regular paycheck. But the incline, the fall, or being trapped at the top comes with a huge price. The price is me. My sanity. My feet planted firmly on the ground. My calling. Neglecting the gift that is in me because my peers and adrenaline talk me into getting back onto the blasted ride! The dash in the middle traps me.
Physically I am shouting hallelujahs and have a tribe of people rejoicing with me so splendidly that their roar reaches shore to shore! I am taking this temple back, making it pretty again, treating it with caution, building it on The Rock and not up in trees, and celebrating what a marvelous creation I am! I will NOT neglect the gift that is in me, and I WILL meditate on these things and give myself entirely to them so that my progress will be evident to all! (Yep, that's what 1 Timothy 4:14-15 says)
I'm getting off the ride. But.....
I'm in such a scary place right now. I have to trust the gentle urges of the Great Rescuer and climb down the coaster, plant my feet and dig in with both heels until I accomplish His calling for me. I'm broke. Behind on bills. Scared I'll lose my car. Unsure how I'm going to stay on this strict diet the doctor wants me to follow. (Awwww.....the days of ramen noodles have come to an end.....).
Trust. Obey.
"Have faith in what you can do."
Its such a terrifying climb to the bottom! I'm dizzy and my footing is weak and unsure!
"Have faith in what I can do!"
But its so far!!!! How will I ever do it? What if I FALL?????
"You are weak, but I am strong. I can catch you, see. Remember how scared you were the past few weeks and how powerful your news and celebration was this week? You are stronger than you think! You have people! Just start climbing down.....I'm right here. And do Me a favor? Quit going for the ride and start walking by My side?"
Yes, Lord.
As a teenager, a much less fun experience led me to an amusement park in Denver and onto an old wooden roller coaster. It just ran and ran and ran for awhile but not because some cute boy was at the helm. It was malfunctioning. It was racing up and down and around faster and faster as the minutes passed. Somehow at some point an emergency brake was pulled on the coaster and it stopped suddenly at the top of an incline.
I am scared of heights....REALLY scared. Its amazing that I am so passionate about hiking. The views and nature and sunshine usually help me overcome the fear.
Riding roller coasters? Not so much! Peer pressure and adrenaline got me on it in the first place. And now, says the nice firefighter trying to rescue us from the top of the coaster, I need you to climb down.
WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?
Obviously I did, because my feet are planted firmly under my desk right here, right now, years later. But I was so scared that I can't even remember getting down.
I've felt like this for weeks now. Like I was on this crazy out of control ride, that I was holding on for dear life, but that it came to a screeching halt and a handsome firefighter said it was time to climb off.
I've been struggling for about 23 years with my health. Every couple of years I just take sick and I get knocked off my feet and it takes a couple of weeks to climb back on that horse. (I find the carousel to be more my speed now). This time it was different. I didn't heed the warning of the gentle, strong, safe voice and I kept going. It took Him confiding in my closest people to holler "STOP!" and pull the emergency brake for me to get a grip and start the frightening climb down.
I'm not good at living in a world where my body won't keep up. I like to GO. I like to DO. And I work HARD. Just like that roller coaster got faster and faster until someone could pull the brakes, my life races and races. Usually my body slows me down and I have to hop off the life I'm in and start over.
This time I kept pushing. And pushing. And instead of fear and trembling, there was something worse. There was nothing. Not only could I not climb down, I had to be carried.
Here's something interesting I found this morning on Dictionary.com.
Roller coaster (n): A small gravity railroad, especially in an amusement park, having a train with open cars that moves along a high, sharply winding trestle built with steep inclines that produce sudden speedy plunges for thrill seeking passengers.
Roller-coaster (v): To experience a period of prosperity, happiness, security, or the like, followed by a contrasting period of economic depression, despair, or the like.
Really? A dash in the middle can make that much difference?
Yes.
I like the thrill of starting something new, of earning a regular paycheck. But the incline, the fall, or being trapped at the top comes with a huge price. The price is me. My sanity. My feet planted firmly on the ground. My calling. Neglecting the gift that is in me because my peers and adrenaline talk me into getting back onto the blasted ride! The dash in the middle traps me.
Physically I am shouting hallelujahs and have a tribe of people rejoicing with me so splendidly that their roar reaches shore to shore! I am taking this temple back, making it pretty again, treating it with caution, building it on The Rock and not up in trees, and celebrating what a marvelous creation I am! I will NOT neglect the gift that is in me, and I WILL meditate on these things and give myself entirely to them so that my progress will be evident to all! (Yep, that's what 1 Timothy 4:14-15 says)
I'm getting off the ride. But.....
I'm in such a scary place right now. I have to trust the gentle urges of the Great Rescuer and climb down the coaster, plant my feet and dig in with both heels until I accomplish His calling for me. I'm broke. Behind on bills. Scared I'll lose my car. Unsure how I'm going to stay on this strict diet the doctor wants me to follow. (Awwww.....the days of ramen noodles have come to an end.....).
Trust. Obey.
"Have faith in what you can do."
Its such a terrifying climb to the bottom! I'm dizzy and my footing is weak and unsure!
"Have faith in what I can do!"
But its so far!!!! How will I ever do it? What if I FALL?????
"You are weak, but I am strong. I can catch you, see. Remember how scared you were the past few weeks and how powerful your news and celebration was this week? You are stronger than you think! You have people! Just start climbing down.....I'm right here. And do Me a favor? Quit going for the ride and start walking by My side?"
Yes, Lord.
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