I Used To......

Do you ever catch yourself saying, "I used to....?j"

I do it all the time. I caught myself today saying it. "I used to take pictures all of the time. I used to take my camera e-ver-y-where."

My list of used to's is very long. It was made today because I was looking for a specific photograph and have forgotten where it's filed. Looking through thousands of photograph files was very satisfying. I was encouraged also hearing myself say, "Damn, I'm good!"

So many moments. So many places. So much living!  Yep, I used to. 

I used to. 

Horrible words. 

However, I also used to hate my body. Hate pictures of myself. Hate getting wrinkles. Hate empty-nesting. Hate being alone. I was self-degrading. All of the time. 

I used to.  

Looking at those photographs made me remember who I am and what I am capable of doing. No more "I used to." 

I earned those wrinkles, Baby, and I am going to own them with pride. I wallowed for ages over being an empty nester but, Baby, I'm going to FLY. I am going to pick up that camera and carry it everywhere and GO and DO. 

I used to be afraid....but now I have courage and I've proven to myself, over and over again that fear is a liar, and I AM BRAVE. 

I used to hate my body......but now I accept it AS IT IS, knowing it is not the norm, nor will it ever be so that gives me not just the right, but the responsibility to be selfish with it. 

I used to hate being alone.....but now I can go where I want, when I want, and stop and use the bathroom as many times as I want, and fall asleep on the couch watching chick flicks if I want, and eat popcorn or ice cream for dinner if I want. 

I used to take pictures of everything, all of the time, whenever I wanted to. I'm going to do that again. And because I used to, I know I can. 

I CAN. I DO. I AM.

You have to have a "used to" to know what you "can do." 

Read that again. 

YOU HAVE TO HAVE A USED TO TO KNOW WHAT YOU CAN DO!

So, because I used to, I am tuning my loss into living. 

He restores my soul. How many times have Christians repeated those words from Psalm 23, but never really heard them? 

He RESTORES my soul. 
     Restore-"To bring back into existence, use or the like; to reestablish."               (Dictionary.com) 

He's bringing back my "used to."

So that I will. :-) 

Much love. 
C.