Self-care, Even When Others Need You
It seems like things happen in threes. I got news of the third "thing" last night. While these are horrific, terrifying things that the people I love are going through, they aren't mine. But having the gift of empathy makes them painful. I mean, physically painful.
I haven't been sleeping. Two, three hours a night since last Wednesday. Bad dreams. Bad memories. My mama genes kicking into gear full-force. I am..... just so sad. Mad. Ugh.
I am praying with desperation. Even though I don't know how to right now. Even though I keep trying to say "You know, God, this might be a better plan...." I keep praying. I feel numb. Or hateful. Or overcome by sorrow. But I keep praying anyway.
Self-care. I still need it. I am growing so much. I don't want to quit. Its been such hard work. I don't want to move backwards.
I finally had to go work out. I've not been able to move. I sit. I hold my grandkids. I read things about what my family is going through and I just "own it" and it's so very heavy.
I felt guilty going to work out. I really wanted to. But its something that has to do with achieving personal goals. It's fun. I didn't feel like caring for myself should make room in my life when so many people were going through such losses. Loss of innocence, loss of health, loss of a home. How on earth could I even think about doing something nice for myself!?
But.
I was on the verge of going bat-shit crazy (please excuse the language....all that we have been facing the past week deserves far worse words than these). I keep thinking if I don't calm down, I am going to have a friggin' heart attack!
The pain in my chest and my back made me stop for a moment and wonder if self-care was actually going to play a role in how capable I am at showing up for those who need me.
One hour. I just wanted one hour. And last night I took it. I went to build muscle and balance and strength. I danced and punched and stretched and listened to great music and got loved on by great friends.
In that one hour, I was given a physical release of endorphins that help aid in mental alertness and elevating mood. I was given hugs and love and prayer that included human touch when I couldn't reach out and touch the one's I wanted to. I strengthened my body so that it remains strong for the journey ahead that may require physical strength to endure. I took care of myself.
It's true. It sounds too familiar and cheesy for some, but its true! If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of anyone else. And if people are really needing us right now, then we need to be strong enough to help!
So while in the midst of our chaos, I'm giving myself an hour every day. Hell, I may take two. I'm not going to be able to take care of those I love if I'm too physically, spiritually and emotionally drained to be available for them. I have to process what's happening. I have to peel back layers of feelings. I have to get on my knees and shout and scream. And I have to throw rocks. Many, many rocks. You know what, Forrest Gump? You were right. Sometimes there just aren't enough of them.
Take care, all. I mean it. Love you.
I haven't been sleeping. Two, three hours a night since last Wednesday. Bad dreams. Bad memories. My mama genes kicking into gear full-force. I am..... just so sad. Mad. Ugh.
I am praying with desperation. Even though I don't know how to right now. Even though I keep trying to say "You know, God, this might be a better plan...." I keep praying. I feel numb. Or hateful. Or overcome by sorrow. But I keep praying anyway.
Self-care. I still need it. I am growing so much. I don't want to quit. Its been such hard work. I don't want to move backwards.
I finally had to go work out. I've not been able to move. I sit. I hold my grandkids. I read things about what my family is going through and I just "own it" and it's so very heavy.
I felt guilty going to work out. I really wanted to. But its something that has to do with achieving personal goals. It's fun. I didn't feel like caring for myself should make room in my life when so many people were going through such losses. Loss of innocence, loss of health, loss of a home. How on earth could I even think about doing something nice for myself!?
But.
I was on the verge of going bat-shit crazy (please excuse the language....all that we have been facing the past week deserves far worse words than these). I keep thinking if I don't calm down, I am going to have a friggin' heart attack!
The pain in my chest and my back made me stop for a moment and wonder if self-care was actually going to play a role in how capable I am at showing up for those who need me.
One hour. I just wanted one hour. And last night I took it. I went to build muscle and balance and strength. I danced and punched and stretched and listened to great music and got loved on by great friends.
In that one hour, I was given a physical release of endorphins that help aid in mental alertness and elevating mood. I was given hugs and love and prayer that included human touch when I couldn't reach out and touch the one's I wanted to. I strengthened my body so that it remains strong for the journey ahead that may require physical strength to endure. I took care of myself.
It's true. It sounds too familiar and cheesy for some, but its true! If we don't take care of ourselves, we can't take care of anyone else. And if people are really needing us right now, then we need to be strong enough to help!
So while in the midst of our chaos, I'm giving myself an hour every day. Hell, I may take two. I'm not going to be able to take care of those I love if I'm too physically, spiritually and emotionally drained to be available for them. I have to process what's happening. I have to peel back layers of feelings. I have to get on my knees and shout and scream. And I have to throw rocks. Many, many rocks. You know what, Forrest Gump? You were right. Sometimes there just aren't enough of them.
Take care, all. I mean it. Love you.
Comments
Post a Comment