How We Feel About Ourselves DOES Matter!

After weeks of struggling with a Lupus flare, a great deal of pain, finally caving in with a tummy "thing" that caused me to miss a day of work-which is rare for me-I woke up this morning feeling good. Not 100%, but good. Sometimes these days are few and far between, so I know I need to enjoy today, but carefully. I wanted to work out, I wanted to go for a walk, I wanted to jump up and down. Instead, I had a little gentle dance party with my morning "Pump it Up" playlist. 

It didn't start there. When I awakened a few minutes before 5:00, as I usually do, I got up and noticed I didn't feel like I was going to fall over. Yay! I've been walking in what felt like a funhouse for DAYS. My heart didn't feel like it was beating out of my chest, either. Another Yay! 

I brewed my coffee. I smiled as I looked at the mini crockpot I purchased yesterday. I'm not using it yet today, but I'll tell you why it's important. I've been struggling with a huge slow-moving weight gain that can be attributed to a number of things. One, Lupus flare. Two, desk job. And three, just eating and not paying any attention. 

A few days ago, I realized that I don't even know what I like to eat. I have just been eating whatever was cheap, on sale, and had some kind of flavor. And I was eating way too much of it. This prompted prayer. If we can ask our food be blessed, we can ask what kind to eat, right? I just asked God to make my tastebuds aware, and to make my mind and my heart know what needs to be fueling this weakened, overweight and overly tired body. 

The list appeared. 

I don't have a regular stove, but have a nice little two burner cooktop that I bought. It takes twice as long to cook on it, but I have it! And I love it. But when I get home from work, if it takes longer than cooking noodles, I'm not interested in trying. When I walk in the door, I'm tired, I'm grumpy, and I'm oh-so-hungry. That led to eating things that were fast and that I now know I didn't even really like. 

As the list came to me, remembered I like things like lattes. I love my morning coffee. But there's really nothing like a well-prepared latte. Hazelnut or caramel. Yum. With my thinking cap on, I realized there are a number of things I DO like. Pork chops in mushroom gravy over potatoes. Fried chicken and potato salad. Cowboy caviar minus the chips, just with a fork. I asked myself how I might make better food happen for myself, and crock pot came to mind. Is it worth purchasing something when I'm on such a limited budget? 

ABSOLUTELY. It's time to start taking better care of myself. 

Fast forward to this morning. After eight hours of sound sleep, I got up, stretched and practiced my morning routine with joy. I got still. I sat on my yoga block in my favorite posture. I closed my eyes while I listened to what I consider to be one of the most beautiful and anointed songs ever (Vapor, by The Liturgists), and got still. One of the most amazing things about getting still before God is His blessing of movement that comes as your spirit and His awaken together. I caught myself moving, reaching, reaching more, stretching and receiving. Oh how my body loved the gentle rocking that was occurring while I was present with myself and my God. 

Stillness giving way to movement was such a beautiful thing. A gift. I went from seeking His quiet peace to experiencing His heart-filled joy. Then I wanted to break loose. Carefully, I'm still recuperating, but I wanted to MOVE. Thus the dancing to my "Pump" playlist. 

I got a bit sweaty, but continued to enjoy some great music while I got ready for work. I have my beautiful crazy hair hanging mid-way down my back in what I call my hippy curls. I am wearing makeup for the first time in AGES. I put on my cutest tank top (It says "Strong, like my coffee") and realized my jeans looked a bit better than they have in the past weeks. With my leather booties on my feet, I looked at the finished product in the mirror and these precious words tumbled aloud from my lips: 

I look HOT! 

Those amazing words stumbled right out of me! 

Where did THAT come from? 

It came from feeling better. Two lessons are brewing here. One, how we feel physically, it matters. And what we do to look good physically, it matters, too. And asking God to help you get with the program is sometimes the only way to figure those two things out. 

If you read Proverbs 31, it talks about this amazing, Godly woman, and what she does that makes her so special. There are so many ways that I fail. But it doesn't keep me from trying. So why, when it speaks to her appearance, do we skip over that part? What she's worth, how hard she works, being respected, what a great wife and mother she is.....thousands of Bible studies and sermons have touched on these things. But what about how she gets up and gets herself dressed for the day. What about wearing fine fabrics of purple? What about references to her being energetic and strong? 

How you LOOK matters. How you FEEL matters. In the end, the scripture does say that beauty fades. Of course it does. We have bodies created to wear out. But you know what? In my grandmothers 94 years, never once did she not comb her hair. She walked every day. She had grandmaisms that were her beauty secrets (using mayonnaise as cleansing cream is but one). And she was the Godliest woman I know and influenced my walk with the Lord all of my years thus far.....even in the ones she has been gone for! 

Ladies.....be aware of yourselves. Men, be aware of yourselves. It isn't for others that we look good. It is for ourselves. And it matters. We house the brilliance of the creator. We should wear that honor so that He can be seen. Yes? 

Yes. 

So much love for you. Beautiful, expressive you.