PRESENTABLE = PRESENT-ABLE
First of all, I just want to say hallelujah! I am out of isolation! So there's not really anywhere to go. We are all under a stay-at-home order. County roads and mountain passes are closed. I went to the grocery store yesterday. I guess I could go to a pharmacy, just because they are open, or Home Depot. I do like Home Depot. The smell of lumber. That's a good smell.
ANYWAY.
My body and I were having conversations a lot over the past few weeks. I developed some really poor self-talk. Every time a coughing fit would occur, so would the words, "Stop {insert expletive here} coughing!" When the fever would spike, "Are you {insert expletive here} kidding me?"
Here's what I've been saying to my body way too much. "You have gotten way too fat. Your hair is unbearable right now. You always said you wanted dread locks, well here you go! You can't go out with one side of your face all swollen. What are you thinking? And where are you going to go? You are un-presentable and shouldn't be seen right now.
Are you {insert expletive here} insane?
Well, yeah, probably a little bit. There are not enough drugs to make me talk pretty to myself when I get into that shame thing, that self-loathing mode. In case you think I'm kidding.....ask some others. I bet you know more people who engage in this kind of self-talk than don't.
Well---STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
Please, allow me to share my journal entry from yesterday:
I'm FREE! Quarantine has ended and I can go out. Parks are closed and the state is still under a stay-at-home order, so things are different. But its the knowing I survived Covid-19, and that I am no longer a threat to others. I'm free.
I'm feeling shame because of how I look. My weight, my rolls, my swollen face and missing teeth. I don't want to be seen.
But GOD, He sees. I don't have to be ashamed. But I do have to be repentant.
I COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH SICKER.
This body--this body He trusts me with, that His Spirit hangs out in, has been
fighting the battle against this virus. AND WON.
Do I feel ashamed? Yes, because I consistently mistreat her, expect more than she can give, making her responsible for my emotional well-being rather than physical.
I am not grateful enough to cherish her. And then, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, I try to hide and cover her up.
I should be proud of her. I should treat her with respect. She has fought HARD against things that have threatened to kill me--things that literally have threatened my very life.
I will not hide her anymore. She serves me. And I treat her with such disrespect. I hide her as though she is my source of shame. It is not her, MY BODY, but I, my heart that is shameful.
God, please forgive me. Your Son's BODY took my shame and humiliation and
punishment.
Today, Holy Spirit in me, be my constant reminder to be proud of the work and healing You've done in her--in me. Let my mind, body and spirit be so aware of You, of Your healing, that I will be made into one glorious being made to worship you. All of me, all of You.
"So let's DO it--full of belief, confident that we are presentable, inside and OUT." Hebrews 10:22 (MSG)
PRESENTABLE. PRESENT-ABLE. I AM PRESENT-ABLE INSIDE AND OUT.
He makes me present and able.
I awakened with the song by Christina Aguilera, You are Beautiful, in my head this morning. His reminder, to be confident that I am presentable, inside and out. Able to be present, in this physical chamber, hand-crafted by the Creator, not to be thrown out, but to be a cherished treasure, polished, cleaned, and set in a place of honor. Able to be present.
No matter what "they" say--those voices in your head that react to the vision in the mirror--YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, PRESENTABLE, SHAME FREE, INSIDE AND OUT.
His body took our shame. His body took our ugly. His body took our punishment. His body took our humiliation. His body took our indecency. His body took our evil, bled it out, nailed and alone on a cross.
It's already done, Honey.
It's done so that we can be present and able, inside and out.
Put that shame to death with His body on the cross, today, Good Friday, because come Sunday, we get to celebrate what He proved to us all along.
He is PRESENT. He is ABLE. And He MADE YOU BEAUTIFUL.
I love you.
ANYWAY.
My body and I were having conversations a lot over the past few weeks. I developed some really poor self-talk. Every time a coughing fit would occur, so would the words, "Stop {insert expletive here} coughing!" When the fever would spike, "Are you {insert expletive here} kidding me?"
Here's what I've been saying to my body way too much. "You have gotten way too fat. Your hair is unbearable right now. You always said you wanted dread locks, well here you go! You can't go out with one side of your face all swollen. What are you thinking? And where are you going to go? You are un-presentable and shouldn't be seen right now.
Are you {insert expletive here} insane?
Well, yeah, probably a little bit. There are not enough drugs to make me talk pretty to myself when I get into that shame thing, that self-loathing mode. In case you think I'm kidding.....ask some others. I bet you know more people who engage in this kind of self-talk than don't.
Well---STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
Please, allow me to share my journal entry from yesterday:
I'm FREE! Quarantine has ended and I can go out. Parks are closed and the state is still under a stay-at-home order, so things are different. But its the knowing I survived Covid-19, and that I am no longer a threat to others. I'm free.
I'm feeling shame because of how I look. My weight, my rolls, my swollen face and missing teeth. I don't want to be seen.
But GOD, He sees. I don't have to be ashamed. But I do have to be repentant.
I COULD HAVE BEEN SO MUCH SICKER.
This body--this body He trusts me with, that His Spirit hangs out in, has been
fighting the battle against this virus. AND WON.
Do I feel ashamed? Yes, because I consistently mistreat her, expect more than she can give, making her responsible for my emotional well-being rather than physical.
I am not grateful enough to cherish her. And then, just as Adam and Eve did in the Garden of Eden, I try to hide and cover her up.
I should be proud of her. I should treat her with respect. She has fought HARD against things that have threatened to kill me--things that literally have threatened my very life.
I will not hide her anymore. She serves me. And I treat her with such disrespect. I hide her as though she is my source of shame. It is not her, MY BODY, but I, my heart that is shameful.
God, please forgive me. Your Son's BODY took my shame and humiliation and
punishment.
Today, Holy Spirit in me, be my constant reminder to be proud of the work and healing You've done in her--in me. Let my mind, body and spirit be so aware of You, of Your healing, that I will be made into one glorious being made to worship you. All of me, all of You.
"So let's DO it--full of belief, confident that we are presentable, inside and OUT." Hebrews 10:22 (MSG)
PRESENTABLE. PRESENT-ABLE. I AM PRESENT-ABLE INSIDE AND OUT.
He makes me present and able.
I awakened with the song by Christina Aguilera, You are Beautiful, in my head this morning. His reminder, to be confident that I am presentable, inside and out. Able to be present, in this physical chamber, hand-crafted by the Creator, not to be thrown out, but to be a cherished treasure, polished, cleaned, and set in a place of honor. Able to be present.
No matter what "they" say--those voices in your head that react to the vision in the mirror--YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, PRESENTABLE, SHAME FREE, INSIDE AND OUT.
His body took our shame. His body took our ugly. His body took our punishment. His body took our humiliation. His body took our indecency. His body took our evil, bled it out, nailed and alone on a cross.
It's already done, Honey.
It's done so that we can be present and able, inside and out.
Put that shame to death with His body on the cross, today, Good Friday, because come Sunday, we get to celebrate what He proved to us all along.
He is PRESENT. He is ABLE. And He MADE YOU BEAUTIFUL.
I love you.
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