On Failing

In the words of Brittney Spears, "Oops, I did it again." 

All of these encouraging words I keep posting also need a little bit of honesty from the person who is buried underneath this heavy load. 

I. Failed. Again. 

Rachel Hollis calls it breaking a promise to myself. 

Justifying this horrifying weight gain that I've allowed myself can honestly be blamed on these things: 

1. Stress. Yes, its real, and I've been under a whole lot of it. 
2. Medication. Yes, I am on a cocktail of meds that keep me sane and in a little less pain.
3. Illness. I don't feel like working out. I hurt. I'm tired. 

BUT. 

None of these excuses are a good enough reasons to do this to myself! 

My trigger today? Going shopping. If you read my blog "Get Up and Get Dressed, you know this was in the books this week. And then I went shopping. 

I left the store knowing the ugly truth. I did it again. I failed. There's no other word for it. And do you know who I failed? 

ME. But not just me. 

I failed myself and all of the people who praised me for taking better care of myself, all of the people who looked up to me because I battled illness with the strength of a warrior, all of the people who applauded me in my fitness journey and all of those who helped me get certified in TWO fitness platforms. 

And you know what else? I'm not a current fitness instructor because I failed myself and I feel ashamed and unqualified. Brutal truth. 

Do you wonder why I'm posting all this failure garbage? Please don't quit reading. I'm getting to the good part.

I know I'm not alone! Have you tried and failed at things? Does it slap you in the face and cause you to experience humiliation and shame? Oh how I hate it! Here's something exceptionally encouraging for me today and I hope it's encouraging for you, too:

James 5:16-17 The Message (MSG)

16-17 Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with.

Something POWERFUL TO BE RECKONED WITH! 

Well, Failure, the joke is on you. All you did was laugh at me in the mirror and attempt to destroy my mood today. It only worked for one hot minute. I just confessed my sin, yes I did, and you don't know the power that you are fighting against. 

I am sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I failed me. Please forgive me as I forgive myself. And Holy Spirit in me, I'm sorry I failed You. Be my Helper. This time I want to do it right, once and for all. 

It's such hard work and I haven't made it all the way yet. What if I can't? What if I fail again?

Are those whispers haunting you as they are me?  

Failure, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME! Shout it out loud with me!

FAILURE, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!!!! 

Again! Louder!

FAILURE, YOU CAN'T HAVE ME!!!! 

It takes brutal honesty. It takes resolution. It takes feeling failure, confessing failure and then beating it to the ground and reminding it that it is but ONE thing battling for the win. 

The battle raging within us is also repentance, resolution, redemption and renewed strength! Can I get an amen?

Phew. I feel better now. It takes a village, a tribe, supporters, people who believe in you and for you to overcome great obstacles. Now I am accountable to you. Don't let me off the hook, okay? Ask me how that weight loss is coming. I need to be reminded. 

Thanks for reading. I know it was lengthy. Sometimes the hard things need said, too.

 

©CherieElainePhotography2019

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